Are you “keeping busy” to try to get over the grief you feel since the death of someone you loved?

Our body, heart and mind are affected by grief and loss such as death.

All that advice from friends and family saying…

“get busy,”

“move on,”

“try a hobby,”

is wrong! Not helpful one bit!

Keeping busy does not help us recover from the pain of the death of a loved one.

First, realize that grief literally affects our body, heart and mind. Grief is tough stuff. It is not meant for the weak. Believe me. You are stronger than you may know at this point.

The effects of grief are real. It is not in your head and you can’t ignore grief or all the pain that arises due to your loss. It will pop out all over no matter how hard you try to cover it up. So stop trying. You can’t cover it up and make it go away.

Honestly there is only one way to get rid of grief… You must go through it.

Sorry, no alternatives. No ways around it. No way under it or over it. You must pass right through the center, through the muck, the agony, the horrendous feelings. Yep. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.   Grief must be experienced.

I tried ignoring my grief a year after my husband died and I was still in pain. I couldn’t figure out how to end my grief so I got busy and tried to ignore it. But I couldn’t ignore it. It popped up some times at the most inopportune times, like while in line at the grocery store or at my son’s hockey game, watching tv or while out for a walk through my town.

Or we feel exhausted from keeping busy, running and running till we drop. We go into overdrive running from the pain, but it is there as soon as we stop. At night, when it’s quiet, grief is waiting for you. We keep busy hiding how much we hurt, and we can barely function.

New clients often say to me, “How come this loss wasn’t enough, my whole life now seems to be falling apart.” They are sick, they are fighting with family and friends, they are losing their jobs on top of losing their loved ones, and they are getting in car accidents and injuring their body.

This is because they are not giving themselves the time and space to grieve completely and let the pain of grief out.

Yes, we must let grief pass through us so we can recover and move on!

Someone we cared deeply about is gone from us. We can’t hear their voice. Touch them. They aren’t here to help us. That is devastating.

Keeping busy will not take away that pain.

A better life is possible and meant for you. You are not meant to live a miserable life. This loss is horrible enough. You deserve to live again!

But it is hard to quickly feel better. Others may not understand what it takes to move through the pain of your great loss.

I wish it were as easy as “keeping busy”. I wish keeping busy could make your pain go away.

Keeping busy fills your time. It makes others feel better about how you are doing, but at the end of the day the pain is still there if all we do is keep busy. Keeping busy is exhausting and you are probably already exhausted.

Keeping busy does not get out all the emotions related to your loss. It does not get out all the thoughts filling your head. It does not rid you of your fears.

I want more for you than keeping busy trying to mask your pain. I wish for you that you move through the pain of your incredible loss whether it a death of a loved one or another loss.

It is possible. There are tools for moving through the grief.