Experiencing the death of a loved one takes a lot of energy. Energy builds in your body as you stress and stay in your head thinking and “hold yourself together” (as my grandmother used to say).
When you act like you are fine and you really are not, and when you hold back your tears and real feelings when you are on the verge of crying, the energy builds up in your body until you become completely exhausted, you get sick, you get in an accident or you get irritated and start screaming at others who cross your path.
There is a lot of pent up energy when we are grieving because we have been taught, most of us since we were very young, that sadness and crying and screaming are bad and wrong. We are told that crying is a sign of weakness. We are being bad if we act angry. So we learn to hold it in.
Well, this misinformation that you should hold in your pain and sadness can hurt you when you have a tragedy such as your spouse dies or leaves you devastated. Now screaming and crying and stamping your feet is not only appropriate, but actually helpful.
You learned a long time ago it is wrong to cry and scream and stamp your feet, so you act “strong”. What does that mean? Acting strong means lie about your feelings and pretend you are not hurting as bad as you are because others can’t handle it and don’t want to see it.
Grief is the normal and natural response to a loss. Do you not agree that sadness, anger, confusion, and numbness may be normal emotions when losing someone important to you?
We though block the normal and natural flow of our emotions, thus stopping up the energy in our body. The energy builds and builds in our body until it shows outward manifestations that get our attention. This is dangerous for our body. If we don’t let the energy flow it blocks up. It can turn into illnesses, possibly chronic or terminal. It can turn into extreme exhaustion and fatigue from putting so much energy into hiding how much we hurt and we can barely function. It can come through by us getting in accidents because we are putting so much energy into behaving a certain way that we miss signs of danger. Or it can cause us to become irritable and snap for “no reason”.
Grieving people frequently ask me, how come this loss wasn’t bad enough, their whole life now seems to be falling apart. They are sick, they are fighting with family and old friends, and they are getting in car accidents and falling. This is because the pain and emotions caused by grief are stuck in their body and affecting them greatly.
It is important that you understand and allow the normal and natural response your body is having to your loss.
Here is one suggestion: Spend some time alone and ask your loss and grief to speak to you. It may speak to you through your writing or it may speak to you through your emotions or maybe both. Give your loss and grief expression. Expressing allows the energy to be released. It may take time. Your loss was significant. It needs your attention. But once you begin giving it the attention it deserves, it will begin to release.