Are you trapped in grief?

I was trapped in grief. And I desperately wanted to pass through grief.

It was two years after my husband had died.

When he died I fully expected that in two years I would be moving on with my life.

The two-year anniversary came and went and I felt as miserable as ever.

Friends had moved on and my husband’s death was no longer on their mind. And I was a master at hiding my pain and agony from them. Expressing my suffering was kept for private moments when I was alone.

My suffering now was not only sadness and shock that my past life, which included my husband, was gone, but fear of the future had joined my suffering. Terror about my future had joined Misery about my past and the two of them had made a home inside me.

Yes, I was trapped in grief. Trapped between two worlds, the sadness of the past and the fear of the future.

I knew I couldn’t have my old life back. It was impossible. My husband had died and there was no question about that anymore. There was no going back to our “whole” family and the life I led in earlier years.

But I did not know how to move forward either. I could not imagine a bright future. I didn’t know how to create it.

And that was where Terror stepped in. I could not go back and I could not go forward.

Embarrassment and shame about my inability to move forward, my inability to find employment that covered the bills and to care financially for my family as my husband had done, even my inability to find new friends that understood me and could help me through weighed me down.

Are you trapped in grief? Are you trapped between two worlds?

I found my way out. I eventually found a way to heal the painful attachment to the past and to my sorrow and to realize and create the future I desired.

I found I had to deal with the losses first and allow my grief to be heard. Once my losses and grief were acknowledged and validated, then I more easily began to create the next stage of my life. I could begin to dream again and make my dream a reality.

“Grief is in two parts. The first is loss. The second is the remaking of life.” -Anne Ropie

Are you trapped between your loss and the remaking of your life?

I urge you to first heal the pain of your loss. This may surprise you to learn – the pain you are feeling is the resistance to letting your loss and grief speak. Let it speak through your words and emotions. You will feel relief as you let your grief say all it has to say. No holding back. Then you can begin to create the next stage of your life.